Fun fact about me: I never know where I am going, I am horrible with directions, and I’m always sort of lost. I have two ways that I carry myself. One is with 100% confidence as I make way through life. Two is with 100% confusion and one always immediately turns to two.
This week started off with the first day of our internships. I was placed with 3 other students at the San Rafael school. Where students ages 3-23, who have cognitive and psychological disabilities attend. Our part in this school is to assist the teachers and the class as needed. When we first arrived the four of us were separated and placed into our respective classrooms. I was greeted with a smile and a whole lot of Spanish, (as one may recall I failed Spanish in high school). However, overwhelmingly we communicated through google translate. I have to admit, this internship is not what I was expecting. As we left our internships for the day everyone was excited, talking about their class or the kids they had, even about their teachers. I don’t know if it was the jet lag or maybe I was just in a bad mood but, I didn’t seem to share this excitement.
I felt lost. I have worked with these populations since I could remember, I have my CNA, I have worked at the Special Olympics and due to my mom working at an elementary school, put in 100’s of hours volunteering there. So why was I feeling so lost and overwhelmed about my internship? I was told I would get the routine and it would become very enjoyable, I went to bed that night ready for the next day.
As the next day came, as I was ready to get into the routine of my classroom but when I arrived, I was told that I would be in a different classroom that day, with different teachers, different children, and a different routine. After making my way through the four hours of the internship I was ready for a siesta. Again as I reflected I was grateful for the experience I was getting but, continued to feel lost and overwhelmed. Later that day we attended our first Spanish class, this experience is a story in itself
The next day I returned to my internship wondering how this day would go and if I would continue to experience the same feelings I had been having in the days prior. I was back in my original classroom, with my original teacher. I had gotten slightly more comfortable but, was yet to shake the feelings I had been experiencing. This was until lunch. As I sat there taking care of a female student who I enjoyed spending time with, the staff made a comment. They said that the girl really liked me. They could tell this as she would follow me around, listen to what I would say and her muscles would relax. All these are normally an issue with her but, with me, she seemed responsive. At that moment something happened, the way I had been carrying myself shifted.
I realized I had been feeling so poorly, because of the way I had been carrying myself. I had been acting confused and frustrated. I hadn’t been acting as if this is something I had been doing for most of my life. I hadn’t been acting like I had my CNA certification. I hadn’t been acting as I had worked at the Special Olympics. I had not been acting like I had volunteered in an elementary school since I was 12. At that moment my mood shifted and I was truly able to appreciate the opportunity I had been given here in Granada and as I left that day couldn’t wait to be back in the morning.
The following day was the 4th day of my internship and it went off without a catch. I was excited, comfortable and felt like I was actually helping. I had earned my confidence back and I was ready to face the day ahead of me. Too bad this was the day we thought we could get to our Spanish class without assistance.
Thursday night we had Spanish class at 5:30. All 6 of us had given ourselves 30minutes to make the 10-15minute bus ride to our class with Miguel, (who we had previously embarrassed ourselves in front of with our poor pronunciations, retention skills and over-all knowledge of the Spanish language). We were confident enough that we knew where we needed to be. How this led us to believe that this meant confidence in how we would get there? No clue.
We boarded our bus at 5:00 and head up. However, that first way I carry myself, the one with 100% confidence, was soon shattered as we realized the mistakes we had made. At 5:20, we were on top of a hill, the other side of the city and could see the location of our Spanish school... on the other side of town. Now we panicked. We got off our bus hoping this would help us somehow. However, it did not. At this point, I am totally lost. I know up is up and down is down, but apparently, this doesn’t help when you go “up” the wrong way. We had to catch a new bus, which then parked as the time approached 5:30. If that wasn’t enough our bus doors wouldn’t close as we saw that the time is 5:45, we lost it laughing. We were already late, Miguel was already disappointed in us and we had already messed up big time. What else was there to do but, laugh at ourselves. We finally made it to class; it was 30minutes late but, we made it.
Later that night we got to go out to eat with our host family and they took us to an American restaurant. As a big fan of Mexican, Japanese and Indian restaurants in the U.S, I wonder if people from their culture have the same experience as we did. Seeing how they imagined the US and American food was interesting. The restaurant was set up like a ‘50’s dinner, with fries and cheese wiz on everything, even promoting American beer. However, to my surprise here is where I got probably one of the best burgers of my life. As a cheeseburger fan, I was pleasantly surprised and the fact that I got it from an American themed restaurant in Granda, Spain is perfect.
After getting my life together and some much-needed rest on Friday morning, Friday night was the Alhambra. The Alhambra is one of the most recognizable things about Granada and it’s history. From paintings, to magnets, even the local beer, is focused on the Alhambra, so of course, this was an exciting excursion for us to take. Our tickets for inside the palace were not until 7:30 pm but we left at 6:00 pm to experience the gardens around the Alhambra. The botanicals beautiful and the fountains calming, it makes you understand how this could be someone’s happy place if it were not flooded with tourist (such as ourselves).
As 7:30 approached and we got into line for our walk through the palace we were warned it would be difficult to stay together in this very large, very busy palace, yet again with 100% confidence, I did not listen to this and headed off on my own.
The architecture was striking, the views were amazing and the experience was breathtaking. So breathtaking that I did not realize I hadn’t seen anyone I recognized for some time now. I also had not realized this until I decided I wanted to make a comment on what I was seeing and no one I knew was to be found. Me being me sat in a chair for a moment and wandered around the same room a few times half expecting someone I knew to walk in. However, after doing this in every room I had been in realized that the likelihood of someone walking in was minimal at best. It was at this point I would consider myself sort of lost in the Alhambra.
However, I continued on throughout the palace experiencing the views of the Granada landscape, detailed architecture from a time I can’t even imagine and the idea that I was walking through an actual palace. At this moment as I was peering into rooms blocked off, carved ceilings and marble floors, I was kind of okay with it.
My favorite quote since my “edgy” days in 7th grade, has been “Not all the wander, are lost”. I know I like to wander especially because it is what I end up doing even when I think I have a concrete plan. However, I know that it is easy for me to get lost. Whether it is losing sight of something's real purpose, I lose myself every once and a while. Even getting lost when it comes to actual direction issues for us directionally challenged. This week I came to the realization that even if I do get lost, I am getting lost in Granada, Spain, and how lucky that makes me. I’m 20, aren’t we all a little lost? I know I’m sort of lost, but I’m kind of okay with it.
